A Safer Internet on Apple Devices

*March 14, 2016

It has come to my attention in updating this article that, in a year, many of the apps have changed drastically, so you can find a new updated post here.

I could likely spend an entire post talking about how incredibly ridiculous it would be for parents not to do what they can to monitor the Internet activity of their kids and teens. Statistically, 9 out of 10 children between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet, and my assumption is that the one child who says he/she hasn't is probably lying about it. Here's the deal, if you have a device (computer, phone, tablet, TV, video game system) that connects to the Internet and is unprotected, and you have a kid over 8, you've likely got a porn addict under your roof. Porn is pervasive and can be freely viewed either on purpose or by accident with just one click. While it, sadly, might be foolish to believe that we can sanitize the Internet and completely prevent our kids from viewing pornographic content, as parents, we need to do everything we can to protect the innocence of our kids and have an accountability relationship with them. You can read more about the importance of accountability from a biblical perspective (both as kids and adults) in this article I wrote.

If you are an adult who wants to be accountable to someone for your online viewing habits, or if you're a parent who is more interested in having that kind of relationship with your kids (as opposed to simply blocking pornographic websites), an Apple device probably isn't your best choice. On a computer or Android device, there are a ton of great low-cost options that monitor your online viewing and report inappropriate websites to a trusted friend or parent, but on an iPhone or iPad, choosing to be accountable often means giving up some of the ease of Internet browsing. For the most part, this is because you'll need to shut down "Safari" in order to use a browser that has safe searching or accountability built into it. Unfortunately, Apple doesn't allow other browsers to operate the way that Safari does. Alternate browsers don't have all of the bells and whistles you'll find in Safari, and can sometimes be a tad buggy and less intuitive. For one example, outside of Safari, you'll be unable to click on a hyperlink in an email and have it automatically open in your browser. When using an alternate browser you would have to "long-tap" on the link to copy it and then paste it in the browser app's address bar. For a lot of people this limitation would be a deal breaker, so it might be reason enough to look at an Android device.

In this post, I've endeavored to let Apple users know about some options to create a safer Internet for themselves and their kids specifically on iPhones and iPads. As someone who has used accountability apps for years (my wife actually gets email reports if I view any website that's flagged as inappropriate), I have researched and used many of the options I list below. I really want to encourage you to ensure that devices that your kids use have some degree of monitoring set up on them. I also want to encourage you, as adults, to find someone you trust who you can be accountable to. It's as easy as approaching a friend (or spouse) and telling them that you've made a commitment to be accountable for all of your online viewing, asking them to be your accountability partner. You can have email reports sent to them so that if they spot something that looks questionable, they can challenge you on it and encourage you towards purity.

1. Apple's Built-In Restrictions

If you are using an Apple device that has ios7 or newer on it, you can restrict pornographic content. If you want to continue using Safari on your device, this is the only option available to you.
Go to Settings > General > Restrictions > Allowed Content > Websites and then select "Limit Adult Content". It is important that you set a Restrictions password that your kids don't have access to and can't easily guess. If you're an adult who wishes to have your access to adult sites blocked, it means having an accountability partner set the Restrictions password on your device so that you can't easily deactivate the filter. Under the Restrictions settings, you can disable the Restrictions password and then have your accountability partner re-enable it with a new one.

Cons: Apple's built-in settings only filter pornographic content, they don't include any kind of accountability feature that would email a parent or accountability partner with a list of questionable sites that were viewed. This is a great option if you have kids, but if you're an adult, a web filter may block things that aren't inappropriate (for example, a filter might block this blog because I talk about pornography, even though it doesn't contain any questionable content). I am also uncertain if the restrictions apply to ANY browser on the device or if they only apply to Safari. If I find this out, I'll update my post. In the meantime, in order to prevent another browser from being downloaded, go to General > Restrictions > and then under "Allowed Content" select "12+" (New browsers are always rated as 17+). Again, if you're an adult who wants to prevent your own access to porn, it means having your accountability partner set this restriction with a password that only they have access to.

2. Qustodio

This app acts as a content filter AND accountability app on iOS, and best of all, it has a FREE version that covers one user. On the website, you can set up a free account with a username and password and then install the safe browser on your Apple device. On the website you can select and name your device, choose an avatar, and select the extent of filtering you would like. You can choose for content to be blocked, you can choose an "alert" feature so that a list of questionable sites would be emailed to your accountability partner, or you can opt for both features. You can also choose to receive daily or weekly reports. If you're an adult wanting to use it for yourself, after it's set up, you would need to get your accountability partner to change the account email address and password so that only they have access to your browsing history and can receive reports. This app also has the ability to track the location of your device (on the Premium version), which might be handy if you have young kids, but you can also turn this option off. I've used this app on an old iPod running ios 6, and it does a pretty great job of monitoring and reporting. While Qustodio is free for one user on one device, you can upgrade to Premium for an annual cost (in March, 2016 a 1 year license for 5 devices was $33.95).

Cons: As with all accountability/filtering apps, it means that you must disable Safari and use their own web browser that has a few limitations. The Qustodio browser doesn't have the ability to open up multiple browser tabs and while you CAN bookmark pages, it doesn't have any option within the app to access or browse your history. Another issue is that when you select and name your device, you have to choose from several cartoon child avatars. It's fine if you're setting it up for a child, but if you're setting it up as an adult to be accountable to another adult, it's unnecessarily childish. The avatar is only listed beside your device in the Qustodio settings, so only your accountability partner could view it. If using the Qustodio browser, you will have to ensure that your accountability partner is the only one with your device's restrictions password and that your "Allowable Content" is set at 12+ so you can't download alternate browsers.

3. X3Watch

X3watch (created by xxxChurch) is a well-known accountability app for PC, iOS and Android devices. While mobile device users once had to pay a small one-time fee for the app, it is now free on iOS. The free version offers no web filtering, but is purely an accountability app that sends an email to a friend/spouse which lists questionable websites and reports whether you tried to circumvent the app. The Pro version is $6.99 per month or $64.99 a year, which you may not feel is necessary, but if you like the extra features like instant email alerts and web blocking along with accountability, the Pro version is half of the cost of options like Covenant Eyes (see below). I used to plug X3Watch a lot with my students and friends. As a pastor, I always found it hard to "sell" the importance of accountability when it meant subscribing monthly or annually at a hefty price. While I appreciate similar services that require a subscription, I will always side more with free or low-cost options, and X3Watch certainly offers this.

Cons: Like all other alternate browsers, you will need to disable Safari and restrict the ability to install other browsers to use this app. One of the biggest factors that would keep me from wholeheartedly recommending the app today is that, if you read their App Store reviews, you'll see a string of disappointed users who complain of problems with the built-in browser crashing and not getting responses from tech support. I've actually experienced these problems myself in the past. Because I haven't used this app for a couple of years, I haven't had any experience with it on an iOS device running iOS 7 or 8, but the browser doesn't work all that well on older devices (like my iPod running iOS 6). My best advice is that if accountability is what you're looking for, give the free version a test drive.

4. Covenant Eyes

Covenant Eyes has a pretty awesome reputation for providing web filtering and accountability. They also have a great twitter feed that offers resources and blog posts that I've followed for years.

Cons: Their service is just far too expensive for me to recommend. Because of the high cost, I've never used the browser (like other options, you need to disable Safari and use their own web browser) and can't really speak to how well it works as an alternate to Safari.  Currently, subscription prices are $9/month for a single user or $13.99/month for a family. I get it, they need to stay funded so that they can keep up with changes in technology, but for families that can't afford the expenditure or students who don't have an income of their own, this service is a hard sell. I would be much more prone to recommend them if an annual subscription was cheaper or if you could make a one-time purchase with no subscription.

5. Accountable 2 You

This app doesn't feature any web filtering, but reports all of your online activity to an accountability partner. On the plus side, the price is definitely more reasonable than Covenant Eyes with a subscription cost of $5/month which covers an unlimited number of devices. I have read a few positive reviews of the app working well, but haven't had any experience using it myself. "Accountable 2 You" offers a 10 day free trial so that you can test the browser to see if it's worth paying for.

Cons: The iOS browser doesn't have great customer reviews on iTunes (to be honest, I don't think I've seen any safe browser or accountability app on iTunes with a 5 star rating). Like other apps, to use Accountable 2 You, you'll need to disable Safari to use their own web browser.

6. Net Nanny

Net Nanny offers both filtering and accountability options for a one-time cost of $5 per iOS device. The price is certainly right, and Net Nanny has a pretty solid reputation, having been around for years.

Cons: Like some of the other options above, the Net Nanny browser doesn't have glowing customer reviews on iTunes and requires you to disable Safari. They don't offer a free trial on iOS devices, so there is the potential risk at purchasing a dud, although $5 won't make a huge dent in your wallet. For me, one of the biggest drawbacks is that the name of the app is a tad childish. While they market themselves as a way for adults to be accountable online, having and using a browser called "Net Nanny" could be potentially embarrassing.

7. Mobicip

Mobicip has made some great improvements to their look over the years. Both their website and app have a real professional feel to them. The free version only provides web filtering through their "safe browser" app. To get accountability options, you would need to pay $39.99 per year for the Premium version which covers up to 5 devices. The service is quite affordable, and you can ask them for a a free trial of their Premium version to give it a try, but the trial didn't give me enough experience with the app for me to be able to solidly recommend it. I'm also uncertain as to whether you can disengage the filter and only utilize the accountability feature on the app. I will say that it's browser features are better than the Qustodio app, so Mobicip is definitely worth giving a try.

Cons: If you're just wanting a safe browser, using the iOS built-in web filtering would be a better option. If you're interested in accountability, it's quite affordable, but I would recommend trying out the free version and then asking for a free trial of their Premium version to see how well you like the app before shelling out the $40.

8. Lion Accountability Browser

New to 2016 is the Lion Accountability Browser. Currently it's only available for iPhones or iPods running ios 8 and up, but will also be available for iPads in Spring, 2016. The app is currently on sale on iTunes at a very reasonable one-time cost of $5.99 per device, although there is no free trial to test it out for yourself before buying. They are promoting the app as being extremely simple to set up and use with no subscription fees, upgrades, or in-app purchases, and no sign-up forms or registration. Simply purchase and download the app and set up as many accountability partners as you wish. The reason the developers created this browser was because they saw a need in the market for an accountability app that didn't suffer from poor performance. I have not given it a try myself, so only time (and reviews) will tell if they have succeeded in this regard.

Cons: Like in the cases above, you would need to set up your device to use Lion by disabling Safari and restricting the ability to download other browsers. This is particularly important because the app doesn't alert accountability partners if the app is disabled (but it will notify partners if they are removed from receiving notifications in Spring 2016).
 

Your Feedback

If you use one of these, or a different accountability app or safe browser for your Apple device, I would love to hear your experience with it. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think. Also, if you found this post to be helpful, it would be great to hear from you. I will periodically make updates to this post so that it's an ongoing resource to you.

Is Church an Elective for You and Your Family?

Is Church an Elective for You and Your Family?

I read a pretty fantastic blog post that asked the question, "What happens when parents and kids see youth group simply as an elective". I highly recommend reading it, as I think it highlights a growing concern.
  

Hebrews 10:25 says, "Some people have gotten out of the habit of meeting for worship, but we must not do that. We should keep on encouraging each other, especially since you know that the day of the Lord’s coming is getting closer". (CEV)

There used to be a time when getting together as the church was a non-negotiable. It was something cemented in our schedules. These days, however, I think there's a lot of truth in this statement:

"Church, youth group, and actually any spiritual discipline are firmly on the bottom of the pecking order.  This means that if homework, sports, vacation, being tired, practice, fill in the blank, don't conflict then, both students and their parents might consider attending some gathered Christian event like church or youth group".

As a pastor, I don't want to see people regularly being a part of the church or youth group because I get paid according to the size of the crowd. No, it's because we live in a world that is jam-packed with things that pull us away from a healthy relationship with God. The support and encouragement that we receive from a Christian community, is, according to the writer of Hebrews, something we can't live without.

The one place where I find myself disagreeing with the above blog post, is that in it, the author says that, "Most Christian adults...can take months or years off of church and fellowship and still have a mostly intact faith". I don't know about you, but in over 13 years of pastoral ministry, I don't think I ever met anyone with that kind of attendance record who I would describe as a growing, thriving Christian. The simple truth is that, when we meet together as the church, we foster friendships with people who we can encourage, challenge and be accountable to. It's a place where we come together to receive solid Bible-based teaching and are prompted to actually apply it to our lives. It's a place where we can worship God together like a crowd cheering on their team at a hockey game. It's a place where we can be prayed for and where we can pray for others. It's a place where we can serve and help others get introduced to Jesus.

In the Old Testament, God asked the people of Israel to not shave their beards and to stay away from bacon as a sign that they were different. Today, simply the act of getting up in the morning and heading to church makes a statement. It screams out loudly to your neighbors, your co-workers, and your pillow that God is important to you.

Your commitment to being a part of the church also communicates something important to your kids. Children, teens and young adults are immersed in a culture that largely cares nothing about knowing or following Jesus. Let's face it, they need all of the help and support that they can get. When we, as parents, treat church as an elective, how can we expect our kids to make any kind of solid commitment? When kids and teens aren't a part of church community, they begin to feel distant and lose their sense of belonging. When those social and spiritual ties are broken, it can be almost impossible to repair them. I've often encouraged teens that, before they leave high school, they need to make a commitment that no matter where they go to college or university, no matter how much a job is willing to pay them, they need to be unwaveringly committed to Christian community. I wish I could say that those words sink in to even half of those teens.

Parents, I want to encourage you, make meeting together as the church a HABIT for your family. Make it a non-negotiable. Talk to your kids about why you go to church on Sunday mornings when most of your neighbors are sleeping in. Model for your kids what it means to be a growing, serving, Jesus-follower. Don't be so quick to allow sports, homework, or a job trump the spiritual health of your children and teenagers.

See you on Sunday!

Review of New Ontario Health Curriculum, Grade 8

This is the fourth and final part of a review on the new Ontario Health curriculum.

Read part 1: Introduction and Grades 1-3
Read part 2: Grades 4-6
Read part 3: Grade 7 

 
In this fourth and final part of my review, I'm taking you page-by-page through the sexual education material for Grade 8 in the new Ontario Health curriculum. I'll be posting excerpts of the material which I believe would be of some interest to Christian parents along with some of my own thoughts on the material.


Grade 8:

"Identify and explain factors that can affect an individual’s decisions about sexual activity (e.g., previous thinking about reasons to wait, including making a choice to delay sexual activity and establishing personal limits; perceived personal readiness; peer pressure; desire; curiosity; self-concept; awareness and acceptance of gender identity and sexual orientation; physical or cognitive disabilities and possible associated assumptions; legal concerns; awareness of health risks, including risk of STIs and blood-borne infections; concerns about risk of pregnancy; use of alcohol or drugs; personal or family values; religious beliefs; cultural teachings; access to information; media messages), and identify
sources of support regarding sexual health (e.g., a health professional [doctor, nurse, public health practitioner], a community elder, a teacher, a religious leader, a parent or other trusted adult, a reputable website). (Grade 8, p.215)

This is an overview of what students will be taught in the Grade 8 health curriculum as it relates to sex education. Included in this list are "thinking about reasons to wait, including making a choice to delay sexual activity and establishing personal limits" as well as "awareness and acceptance of gender identity and sexual orientation". Students will also talk about "sources of support regarding sexual health" which include parents and even pastors ("a religious leader").

"Teacher prompt: “How would thinking about your personal limits and making a personal plan influence decisions you may choose to make about sexual activity?”

Student: “Thinking in advance about what I value and what my personal limits are would help me to respond and make decisions that I felt comfortable with in different situations. I would be able to approach a situation with more confidence and stick to what I had planned. I would be less likely to be caught off guard and have to react without having thought through the options and possible consequences.” (Grade 8, p.215-216)

Grade 8 students are asked about limits and influences when making choices about sexual activity. Here, the encouraged student response is that they would consider their own values and the consequences ahead of time which would then inform them in their decision to engage in sexual activity.

Demonstrate an understanding of gender identity (e.g., male, female, two-spirited, transgender, transsexual, intersex), gender expression, and sexual orientation (e.g., heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual), and identify factors that can help individuals of all identities and orientations develop a positive self-concept.

Teacher prompt: “Gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense or feeling of being male or female, which may or may not be the same as the person’s biological sex. It is different from and does not determine a person’s sexual orientation. Sexual orientation refers to a person’s sense of affection and sexual attraction for people of the same sex, the opposite sex, or both sexes. Gender expression refers to how you demonstrate your gender (based on traditional gender roles) through the ways you act, dress, and behave. Gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation are connected to the way you see yourself and to your interactions with others. Understanding and accepting your gender identity and your sexual orientation can have a strong impact on the development of your self-concept. A person’s self-concept can develop positively if the person understands and accepts their gender identity and sexual orientation and is accepted by family and community. It is harder to develop a positive self-concept, however, if the way a person feels or identifies does not meet perceived or real societal norms and expectations or is not what they want, or if they do not feel supported by their family, friends, school, or community. A person’s self-concept can be harmed if a person is questioning their gender identity or sexual orientation and does not have support in dealing with their feelings of uncertainty. What kind of support do people need to help them understand and accept their gender identity and sexual orientation?”

Student: “Having role models that you can relate to – for example, people of similar ages or cultures – is important. So is having all gender identities and sexual orientations portrayed positively in the media, in literature, and in materials we use at school. Family, school, and community support are crucial. Additional help can come from trusted adults, community organizations, and school support groups such as gay-straight alliances.” (Grade 8, p. 216)

In Grade eight, students will be encouraged to "understand and accept" their gender identity and sexual orientation and will talk about how this will affect how they see themselves (their self-concept). Teacher's will also talk about how a student's self-concept can be harmed if they are not supported by their "family, friends, school, or community". As Christian parents, it's important to convey to our kids that our self-concept needs to also be shaped by our faith. In the Christian faith, we are reminded that we aren't naturally good, but that we are naturally inclined to choose our own way instead of God's way. Parents will need to find a balance between teaching biblical values and loving and supporting their kids even if they might choose to reject those values. Who said parenting was easy? I think this really conveys the importance of a family's involvement in a church community, where kids and parents can be supported and encouraged in their faith and where students can develop a self-concept that is grounded in a love for God and a desire to follow His plan for their life. Even early on, we need to talk about "original sin" and that when we choose our own way instead of God's way, we find ourselves outside of a relationship with God and far from the plan and purpose He has for us.

"Demonstrate an understanding of aspects of sexual health and safety, including contraception and condom use for pregnancy and STI prevention, the concept of consent, and matters they need to consider and skills they need to use in order to make safe and healthy decisions about sexual activity (e.g., self-knowledge; abstinence; delaying first intercourse; establishing, discussing, and respecting boundaries; showing respect; need for additional information and support; safer sex and pleasure; communication, assertiveness, and refusal skills). (Grade 8, p. 218)

In this section of the curriculum, students will talk more about safe sex and the concept of consent, along with abstinence and "delaying first intercourse". Parents, again, need to teach their children with this kind of balanced approach. We can't ignore teaching our kids about safe sex, contraceptives, and STI's. I think we can all recognize that we're doing a disservice to our kids if they are misinformed or unaware of these things. We don't want our kids to learn about sex from TV, the movies, or the Internet (which often portrays sex in a way that's warped, misogynistic, and degrading). We also don't want to communicate to kids the lie that sex is dirty, disgusting or shameful. In the process however, we need to communicate biblical values (which include abstinence until marriage), wanting our children to experience sex the way that God intended for us. There is more discussion material related to safe sex on page 219, but I didn't feel the need to post any excerpts from it.

"Teacher prompt: “Gender-based violence includes any form of behaviour – psychological, physical, and sexual – that is based on an individual’s gender and is intended to control, humiliate, or harm the individual. When we say ‘gender-based violence’, we are often referring to violence against women and girls. Can you give me some examples?”

Student: “It can include physical assault in a relationship, sexual assault, or rape. It can also include things like having your rear end pinched in the hallway, having your top pulled down or lifted up, or being held down and touched.” (Grade 8, p.220)

Here, students are asked to identify examples of "gender-based violence"-- including rape and sexual assault.

"Analyse the attractions and benefits associated with being in a relationship (e.g., support, understanding, camaraderie, pleasure), as well as the benefits, risks, and drawbacks, for themselves and others, of relationships involving different degrees of sexual intimacy (e.g., hurt when relationships end or trust is broken; in more sexually intimate relationships, risk of STIs and related risk to future fertility, unintended pregnancy, sexual harassment and exploitation; potential for dating violence). (Grade 8, p. 220)

"Teacher prompt: Intimate behaviours can include holding hands, hugging, kissing, touching bodies and genitals, and engaging in sexual intercourse. When considering the level of intimacy that is appropriate for their relationship, what does a couple need to think about?” (Grade 8, p. 220)

“Student: Both individuals need to consider their own values and beliefs and treat each other’s choices and limits with respect. If one partner chooses to abstain from a sexual activity – for example, a person might want to kiss but not want to have any genital contact – the other partner needs to respect that decision. Both partners need to have the confidence and comfort level to talk about how they can show their affection while respecting each other’s decisions.” (Grade 8. p. 220)

In this section, students will learn about the benefits and risks of being in a relationship that's sexually intimate. They talk about "intimate behaviours" and what needs to be considered before being intimately involved with someone. The idea that they wish to communicate to students is to "consider their own values and beliefs" and treat others with respect.

Teacher: “Being intimate with someone includes having a good understanding of the concept of consent. What are some of the important things that we need to understand about consent?”

Student: “Consent to one activity doesn’t imply consent to all sexual activity. It is important to ask for consent at every stage. Consent is communicated, not assumed. You can ask your partner simple questions to be sure that they want to continue: ‘Do you want to do this?’ or ‘Do you want to stop?’ A ‘no’ at any stage does not need any further explanation.” (Grade 8, p. 220)

The sex ed curriculum wraps up with Grade 8 students discussing the importance of consent.

Final Thoughts:

In this review, I have posted (or noted) all excerpts from the new Ontario Health curriculum that relates to sex education. Like me, you probably found that the majority of the teaching was completely reasonable and appropriate. Also, like me, as you were reading, you probably discovered several  "red-flags" in the curriculum that you would prefer to be altered or omitted.

It's important to remember that these four posts contain the entirety of the sex-ed curriculum that is being taught from Grades 1-8. In the grand scheme of things, this material plays a small role in your child's education, a few hours of teaching over a span of 8 years. As I said at the beginning, I think this reminds us that as parents, we are the most important (and essential) moral and spiritual influence on our children. What is taught and lived out in the home has a profound impact on the worldview of our kids. I want to encourage and challenge you to:

1. Pray for your kids on a regular basis. 

Pray that God would protect them from any influence that might steer them away from knowing and following God. Pray also that God would give you wisdom and strength to be a positive moral and spiritual influence on your kids.

2. Be a part of the church community on a regular basis. 

When you're a part of the church, you and your kids have a chance to focus your attention on God's Word and unpack those truths in a way that's relevant to your lives. We live in a world that is full of temptation and values that run contrary to those found in the Bible. When you're a part of the church, you can find encouragement, emotional support and prayer support as you raise your children. When children are a part of the church, it helps them appreciate what it means to be a part of a Christian community.

3. Make God a part of your home life.  

Revelation 3:20 is one of my favorite verses in the Bible. In it, Jesus tells us, as Christians, that he wants to be a part of our lives and a part of our homes.

Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends

There are some parents who believe that somehow bringing a child to church once a week will transform them into Christian men and women, but church is merely a supplement to what they should be receiving on a daily basis at home. "Statistically, the average church only has 40 hours in a given year to influence a life. The average parent has 3000 hours per year to influence a life". (Think Orange, Joiner. p. 88-89)

Do you pray together as a family? Do you worship together as a family? Do you read the Bible and talk about what it means on a regular basis? When you come home from church on Sunday, do you follow-up with what your kids learned and discuss the content further? 

Parents, I want to encourage you to live and lead by example. My prayer for you is that you would grow deeply in your faith and be people who live out and express your love for Jesus on a daily basis. My prayer is that your kids would see and be a part of it. 

The ball is in your court.

Review of New Ontario Health Curriculum, Grade 7

This is part three of a review on the new Ontario Health curriculum. 

Read Part 1 (An Introduction and coverage of material for Grades 1-3).

Read Part 2 (Coverage of material for Grades 4-6).

In this third part of my review, I'm taking you page-by-page through the sexual education material for Grade 7 in the new Ontario Health curriculum. I'll be posting excerpts of the material which I believe would be of some interest to Christian parents along with some of my own thoughts.

Grade 7:

"The human development and sexual health expectations recognize that students at this age are developing their sense of personal identity, which includes their sexual identity. Students may already be involved in or contemplating sexual activity or dealing with relationship issues that affect their self-concept and sense of well-being. Consequently, there is an emphasis on developing the skills needed for maintaining healthy relationships and acquiring the knowledge and skills needed to make informed decisions about their sexual health. Key topics include delaying sexual activity, preventing pregnancy and disease, understanding how gender identity and sexual orientation affect overall identity and self-concept, and making decisions about sexual health and intimacy". (Introduction to Grade 7 material, p. 182)

As we begin our look at the material being taught in Grade 7, we can see that there is a greater emphasis on the development of a student's sexual identity and discussing sex issues in greater detail.

“Sexting – or the practice of sending explicit sexual messages or
photos electronically, predominantly by cell phone – is a practice that has significant risks. What are some of those risks? What can you do to minimize those risks and treat others with respect?” (Grade 7, p. 195)

Students are encouraged to share their thoughts on the risks of sexting. The example of a student response to those questions primarily involves not sharing or distributing sexual messages. Sexting is also mentioned later on in the curriculum when speaking of bullying and harassment (p. 198).

"Explain the importance of having a shared understanding with a partner about the following: delaying sexual activity until they are older (e.g., choosing to abstain from any genital contact; choosing to abstain from having vaginal or anal intercourse; choosing to abstain from having oral-genital contact); the reasons for not engaging in sexual activity; the concept of consent and how consent
is communicated; and, in general, the need to communicate clearly with each other when making decisions about sexual activity in the relationship". (Grade 7, p. 195)

Here is our first reference in the curriculum to anal and oral sex. It is in the context of having a "shared understanding" with someone before sexual activity. What I find most peculiar is that nowhere within the curriculum can I find teaching material that explains what anal or oral sex actually is. I suppose we can presume that if kids don't know by this point (hopefully from a conversation with a parent), they'll ask their teacher. In this excerpt, it doesn't just talk about discussing sexual activity beforehand, but discussing abstinence and reasons for not engaging in sexual activity.

"Teacher prompt: “The term abstinence can mean different things to different people. People can also have different understandings of what is meant by having or not having. Be clear in your own mind about what you are comfortable or uncomfortable with. Being able to talk about this with a partner is an important part of sexual health. Having sex can be an enjoyable experience and can be an important part of a close relationship when you are older. But having sex has risks too, including physical risks like sexually transmitted infections – which are common and which can hurt you – and getting pregnant when you don’t want to. What are some of the emotional considerations to think about?”

Student: “It’s best to wait until you are older to have sex because you need to be emotionally ready, which includes being able to talk with your partner about how you feel, being prepared to talk about and use protection against STIs or pregnancy, and being prepared to handle the emotional ups and downs of a relationship, including the ending of a relationship, which can hurt a lot. Personal values, family values, and religious beliefs can influence how you think about sexuality and sexual activity. A person should not have sex if their partner is not ready or has not given consent, if they are feeling pressured, if they are unsure, or if they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.” (Grade 7, p. 196)

I have to say, I'm pretty impressed with the content here. The teacher specifically talks about sex as being enjoyable and an "important part of a close relationship WHEN YOU ARE OLDER". The student response (which is just an example of how a student might respond to that question) is far more articulate than a real-life response, but still impressive. "It's best to wait until you are older to have sex". "Personal values, family values, and religious beliefs can influence how you think about sexuality and sexual activity". Again, while this is just a possible student response, it highlights the fact that one's family and religious values are an important part of the process.

“Engaging in sexual activities like oral sex, vaginal intercourse, and anal
intercourse means that you can be infected with an STI. If you do not have sex, you do not need to worry about getting an STI." (Grade 7, p. 196)

Again, no specific descriptions regarding the types of intercourse, but it talks about the potential for becoming infected with an STI and even says, "If you do not not have sex, you do not need to worry about getting an STI." I think I hear Christian parents cheering. For the rest of this discussion on pages 196 and 197 it talks in greater detail about STI's and HIV and how to prevent them. In detailing the risks of becoming infected with HIV, it specifically refers to "vaginal or anal intercourse without a condom" (p. 197).

Teacher prompt: “What are some of the consequences of using homophobic put-downs or racial slurs? How can this hurtful behaviour be prevented?”

Student: “Using homophobic or racist language is discriminatory. It hurts the people who are targeted and it can have harmful consequences for the whole atmosphere in the school. Sometimes, people speak without thinking about what they are actually saying and how they are hurting others. To change this behaviour, everyone needs to take responsibility for the words they use and also to challenge others who make discriminatory comments or put people down, whether in person or online.” (Grade 7, p. 198)

It doesn't define "homophobic put-downs" here, but as I mentioned previously, while I'm not a fan of the terminology, I can get behind teaching students to value and respect people who are different than them.

"Teacher prompt: “Inappropriate sexual behaviour, including things like touching
someone’s body as they walk by in the hall, making sexual comments, or pulling pieces of clothing up or down, is sexual harassment. Texting someone constantly can also be harassment. What can you do to stop this kind of thing?”

Students: “Don’t do it. Don’t encourage others to do it. Don’t accept it if you see it
happening – whether in person or on social media. Tell the person to stop, or report them.” “Online, you can call someone on unacceptable language, but it’s better to have a face-to-face conversation about it afterwards." (Grade 7, p. 198)

This is certainly important to convey to students, although parents should probably be speaking to their kids about inappropriate touching starting at age 3. I like the possible student response that says, "Don't do it. Don't encourage others to do it. Don't accept it if you see it happening....Tell the person to stop, or report them".

Teacher prompt: “Thinking about your sexual health is complicated. It’s important to have a good understanding of yourself before getting involved with someone else. It’s not just about making a decision to have sex or waiting until you are older. It’s also about things such as your physical readiness; safer sex and avoiding consequences such as pregnancy or STIs; your sexual orientation and gender identity; your understanding of your own body, including what gives you pleasure; and the emotional implications of sexual intimacy and being in a relationship. It can include religious beliefs. It includes moral and ethical considerations as well, and also involves the need to respect the rights
of other people. Can you explain what is meant by a moral consideration?”

Student: “A moral consideration is what you believe is right or wrong. It is influenced by your personal, family, and religious values. Every person in our society should treat other people fairly and with respect. It is important to take this into account when we think about our relationships, sexual behaviour, and activities.”

Teacher: “Like any other decision, a decision about sexual health requires you to look at all sides of an issue. How can you do that?”

Student: “You need to consider the pros and cons of any decision you are making, and how those decisions will affect both you and others.”

This concludes the Ontario Health curriculum as it pertains to sexual education for Grade 7. Here, students are specifically asked about "moral considerations"- that everyone has differing "personal, family and religious values" and that "every person in our society should treat other people fairly and with respect".

I will post excerpts and thoughts on the Grade 8 portion of the curriculum soon.
 

Review of new Ontario Health Curriculum, Grades 4-6

This is part two of a review of the new Ontario Health Curriculum. 

For part one, which covers my introduction to this blog series along with my review of the Curriculum's introduction and content for Grades 1-3, please click here. In this review, I'm walking through the curriculum page-by-page and including all excerpts which may be of some concern to Christian parents. After each excerpt, I include some of my own thoughts.  



Please note that throughout this curriculum, there is content related to puberty, which, in my opinion, is pretty standard stuff, so it won't be highlighted.

  Grades 4-6:

Teacher prompt: “Advances in technology have greatly increased our ability to get and share information and to communicate and collaborate with each other. But these benefits also come with some risks and potential difficulties, such as a possible loss of privacy, addiction, increased sedentary behaviour, or exposure to people who ask you for sexual pictures or want you to share personal information. What are some things you should do to use this technology safely? How can you get help if you get into trouble?”

Student: “I should make sure that an adult knows what I am doing when I’m using the computer, the Internet, or a cell phone, so I have someone who can help if needed. When I can, I should use a computer in a public space like a kitchen, living room, or library, instead of alone in my bedroom. I shouldn’t share my password or personal information. I should be aware that people are not always who they say they are online. I should close and delete pop-ups and spam messages without responding. If there’s a problem, I should stop right away and tell an adult instead of trying to solve the problem online. I should help my friends by reminding them of these tips.” (Grade 4, p.140)

Starting in Grade 4, students will learn about using technology in safe ways. Hopefully, as a parent, you've already had these conversations with your kids. Here, in particular, students learn about the possibility of predators asking for "sexual pictures" along with "personal information". In this discussion, students will talk about the importance of using a computer in a public space (a rule that every household should establish). They are also taught to tell adults if they encounter a problem online, and to encourage their friends to be safe online.

"Verbal bullying could include name calling, mocking, teasing about appearance,
including weight, size, or clothing, and making sexist, racist, or homophobic comments in person or online. Any of these kinds of bullying could cause emotional pain.” (Grade 4, p. 140)

Also in this section of the Grade 4 curriculum, students are taught about bullying, including making "homophobic comments in person or online". Personally, I'm not a fan of the term "homophobic", but I think it certainly needs to be conveyed that just because someone is different does not mean that verbal or physical bullying is acceptable.

"What strategies could you use in a situation where you were being harassed because of your sex, gender identity, race, religion, sexual orientation, gender expression, body shape, weight, or ability?” (Grade 5, p. 157)

In Grade 5, students will discuss bullying and harassment. Some of the reasons include gender identity, religion, sexual orientation and gender expression. Again, one of the things this new curriculum continues to stress is the importance of valuing and respecting others.

"Things I cannot control include where I was born, who is in my family, how much money my family has, and personal characteristics such as my skin colour, hair colour, whether I am male or female, my gender identity, sexual orientation, and overall body shape and structure. I could have a learning disability, a physical disability, or a health issue. All of these things are a part of who I am. I cannot control these things, but I can control what I do and how I act". (Grade 5, p. 159)

This excerpt is not a part of the teaching but is taken from a possible student response in regards to stress related to puberty. Here, it shows that a student may respond that they "cannot control" a number of things in their lives (including gender identity and sexual orientation).

"Ways of showing that you like someone that are inappropriate include touching them without their permission, spreading rumours about them to others or online, and making fun of them in order to get attention. Sharing private sexual photos or posting sexual comments online is unacceptable and also illegal.”” (Grade 5, p.159)

Like the excerpt above, this is part of a possible student response to the teacher asking about appropriate and inappropriate displays of affection and is not actually a part of the teaching. As parents, it might be a good idea to communicate long before Grade 5 that it's "unacceptable and also illegal" to share photos of your private areas and that if anyone asks you to do so, to tell a parent or teacher.

"Explain how a person’s actions, either in person or online, can affect their own and others' feelings, self-concept, emotional well-being, and reputation (e.g., negative actions such as name calling, making homophobic or racist remarks, mocking appearance or ability, excluding, bullying, sexual harassment [including online activities such as making sexual comments, sharing sexual pictures, or asking for such pictures to be sent]; positive actions such as praising, supporting, including, and advocating)". (Grade 5, p. 160)

Students are encouraged to take responsibility for their own actions, including making "homophobic or racist remarks" and "sexual harassment (including online activities such as making sexual comments, sharing sexual pictures, or asking for such pictures to be sent). What I like about this in particular is that it doesn't normalize sexting, but discourages it, explaining that it is a form of sexual harassment.

"Identify factors that affect the development of a person’s self-concept (e.g., environment, evaluations by others who are important to them, stereotypes, awareness of strengths and needs, social competencies, cultural and gender identity, support, body image, mental health and emotional well-being, physical abilities)". (Grade 6, p. 172).

In Grade 6, students will talk about self-awareness (which might include gender identity). I'm actually quite surprised by the teacher and student responses on page 173, not because of questionable content, but because they're not written in a simple, conversational way similar to previous teacher/student responses. 

"Teacher prompt: Things like wet dreams or vaginal lubrication are normal and happen as a result of physical changes with puberty. Exploring one’s body by touching or masturbating is something that many people do and find pleasurable. It is common and is not harmful and is one way of learning about your body.”

We have arrived. This is probably the only part of the curriculum that I'm in complete disagreement with. In discussing puberty and the physical changes that the body goes through, the teacher is encouraged to normalize masturbation. One Christian reviewer had this to say: "I would add the word "medically" or "physically" between "not" and "harmful." That, however, reflects my worldview as a Christian. And it's something I'll teach my kids when they are ready for it." I suppose that's all we can do, isn't it? Parents, don't wimp out on talking to your kids about sex. Remember, as I said at the beginning, you are the greatest moral and spiritual influence in your child's life. Take advantage of that.

"Assess the effects of stereotypes, including homophobia and assumptions regarding gender roles and expectations, sexual orientation, gender expression, race, ethnicity or culture, mental health, and abilities, on an individual’s self-concept, social inclusion, and relationships with others, and propose appropriate ways of responding to and changing assumptions and stereotypes." (Grade 6, p. 177).

Also in Grade 6, students will be taught about stereotypes and discrimination, which include "homophobia and assumptions regarding gender roles and expectations, sexual orientation, and gender expression". This is mentioned again further down on the same page. Again, there is an emphasis on treating people who are different than you with value and respect.

"We can understand people’s sexual orientations better, for example, by reading books that describe various types of families and relationships. Not everyone has a mother and a father – someone might have two mothers or two fathers (or just one parent or a grandparent, a caregiver, or a guardian). We need to make sure that we don’t assume that all couples are of the opposite sex, and show this by the words we use. For example, we could use a word like ‘partner’ instead of ‘husband’ or ‘wife’. We need to be inclusive and welcoming.” “If we have newcomers from another country in our class, we can try to find out more about them, their culture, and their interests.” “If we hear things that are sexist, homophobic, or racist, we can show our support for those who are being disrespected.” (Grade 6, p. 177)

Like in some previous excerpts above, this is not a part of the actual teaching portion of the curriculum, but it is written as a possible student response when discussing stereotypes and discrimination. Here, the "student" responds by saying that there are many different types of families and that "inclusive and welcoming" language should be used. While this isn't a part of the teaching, I find it interesting that it suggests that the words "husband" or "wife" shouldn't be used. This is certainly something that's even relevant to adults, as I have often assumed that people were married and have used that terminology only to be corrected. On the other hand, I've also been in the situation where I've had to pay close attention to someone's conversation in order to determine how to best describe their spouse/partner/friend. Gone are the days when you could simply look at someone's ring finger to get all of the answers!

That sums up our look at the Ontario Health curriculum for Grades 4-6. Again, I've only highlighted content that has to do with the sexual education component that I feel would be of some interest to Christian parents. I will post part three (examining Grades 7-8) soon.

Review of new Ontario Health Curriculum, Grades 1-3

This is part one of a review of the new Ontario Health Curriculum.

Months ago, I began hearing "horror stories" about the adoption of a new, controversial, health curriculum coming to Ontario schools. Since then, I've seen online petitions and numerous blogs and Facebook posts criticizing the content of the curriculum.

This week, I skimmed through all 244 pages of the new Ontario Health curriculum and read everything that pertained to sex education. It's not exactly what I consider to be fun reading, but as both a parent of one child already in the public school system, and as a family pastor, I thought it might be a good idea to review the content for myself.

In my personal opinion, I think that the controversy may have been over-hyped. Yes, there are some sections of the curriculum that I would like to see omited, but for the most part, there's nothing within it that would cause me to pull my child from school. The simple truth is that kids today learn about sex from far more unreliable and dangerous sources. Some kids learn about sex from TV shows like 'Two and a Half Men', others hear about it in whispers and snickers from other kids in the schoolyard and neighborhood, and yes, tragically, 9 out of 10 children between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet. Wow. That statistic makes this new curriculum seem pretty inconsequential, doesn't it? For more on that, read an article I wrote about protecting ourselves and our kids from pornography.

As Christian parents, we need to realize that we are the greatest moral and spiritual influence of our own children. We need to have candid conversations with them. We need to be their "go to" people for advice. We need to teach our kids how to safely navigate through a culture whose values often don't match our own. Throughout this review, I've taken excerpts from the curriculum which contains content that would be of interest to Christian parents. After each excerpt, I share some of my own thoughts on the content. 

Introduction and Grades 1-3:

It is also critical to student success to create an atmosphere in which students of all body shapes and sizes, abilities, gender identities and sexual orientations, and ethnocultural, racial, and religious backgrounds feel accepted, comfortable, and free from harassment. (Introduction, p. 17)

Gender identities and sexual orientations are included in this note to teachers about creating a safe and harassment-free atmosphere in school. I think this is important teaching for young children, as all through their lives they will be exposed to people who look or live different than they do. Children need to be taught that, no matter who they encounter, they need to treat others with love and respect. It's quite biblical. On page 27 and 67 of the document, it also talks about how children should be treated the same regardless of sex or gender identity.

Some topics within the Healthy Living strand need to be approached with additional sensitivity, care, and awareness because of their personal nature and their connection to family values, religious beliefs, or other social or cultural norms. These topics can include but are not limited to human development and sexual health, mental health, body image, substance abuse, addictions, violence, harassment, child abuse, gender identity, sexual orientation, illness (including HIV/AIDS), and poverty. (Introduction, p. 36)

Here, teacher's are reminded to teach things with sensitivity and awareness "because of their personal nature and their connection to family values and religious beliefs". As a Christian parent, I appreciate that.

Sexual health, understood in its broadest sense, can include a wide range of topics and concepts, from sexual development, reproductive health, choice
and sexual readiness, consent, abstinence, and protection, to interpersonal relationships, sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression, affection and pleasure, body image, and gender roles and expectations. (Introduction, p. 38)

In the introduction, we're told what topics might be included in the teaching on sexual health. We'll look at all of these in greater detail as they come up in the curriculum.

Identify body parts, including genitalia (e.g., penis, testicles, vagina, vulva), using correct terminology. (Grade 1, p. 93)

In Grade 1, children will be taught to identify all parts of the body and will learn the correct terminology.

Describe how visible differences...and invisible differences (e.g.,
learning abilities, skills and talents, personal or cultural values and beliefs, gender identity, sexual orientation, family background, personal preferences, allergies and sensitivities) make each person unique, and identify ways of showing respect for differences in others.

Teacher prompt: “Sometimes we are different in ways you can see. Sometimes we are different in ways you cannot see – such as how we learn, what we think, and what we are able to do. Give me some examples of things that make each person unique.

Student: “We all come from different families. Some students live with two parents. Some live with one parent. Some have two mothers or two fathers. Some live with grandparents or with caregivers. We may come from different cultures. We also have different talents and abilities and different things that we find difficult to do.” (Grade 3, p.124)

In Grade 3, children will be taught to respect and value people, including people of different "sexual orientation" and those who may have "two mothers or two fathers".  I would encourage parents to dialogue with their children about same-sex couples before they hit Grade 3. In Canada, same-sex couples can legally marry. Prior to Grade 3, your child will likely have seen same-sex couples walking hand-in-hand down the street, and may even have friends in their class who have gay parents. Pretending that it doesn't exist certainly isn't a wise approach. I began to talk with my own son about this when he was in JK because he has a friend in school who has gay parents and we went to their home for a birthday party. It's important that we communicate to our children our own values while also reminding our kids that no matter who we encounter in life, even if we might disagree with their choices, all people deserve love and respect.

Changes!

Hi parents!

I've decided to make a change to this blog (including the web address). While it started out as a blog for parents of teens in our CATALYST youth program, I've decided to expand it to be relevant to all parents at Arlington Woods. While the blog will still feature discussion questions based on what the teens are learning at CATALYST, it will also feature content to encourage and support parents who have young children.

The new address for this blog is http://awparents.blogspot.ca/

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Coming soon... My breakdown of the new Ontario Health Curriculum. Yes, I've read through all 244 pages of it!

PB