If you're a Christian, have you ever had somebody think that you were totally crazy for taking your faith seriously? Following Jesus is very counter-cultural. It means being a rebel- living in a way that's opposite to how many others might choose to live. That's especially true of the Christian view of sex, dating, and relationships. In that respect, Christians are often considered to be old-fashioned and out-dated, and completely out of touch with reality. When a celebrity makes some statement about their waiting until they're married to have sex, it starts trending on twitter, it's highlighted on all of the gossip shows, it makes the covers of magazines, and it's considered to be one of the most odd-ball things to say and do. To say that you're a virgin today, or that you're trying to follow Jesus when it comes to your relationships, is like telling someone that you were abducted by aliens. You're going to see jaws hit the floor in disbelief. Now, what's so silly about that is...1. OUR CULTURE'S VIEW OF SEX, DATING & RELATIONSHIPS IS BROKEN, YET ALMOST UNIVERSALLY EMBRACED.
Our culture's values (or lack thereof) when it comes to sex & dating hasn't really worked out for most people. We're not all emotionally happy and healthy people. In fact, more and more people are living with serious emotional baggage and regrets because they adopted their culture's values. People used to get relationship advice from people they knew and respected- people they considered to be wise- people who had been married for years and had managed to stay together and work at their relationship when others would have bailed.
Where do we get our relationship advice today? Are the people we listen to examples of "relationship success stories"?
For the most part, we learn about relationships from celebrity culture, movies, TV, music, and from people who don't have a lot of wisdom or a decent track record. Take a look at the most popular songs on iTunes. What are they saying? Chances are they're full of lyrics about the pursuit of pleasure and are quite misogynistic (especially rap/hip-hop), where women have no worth as human beings beyond satisfying a man's needs. Have you seen ads or billboards at the mall? What messages do the countless images of half-naked men and women posing seductively tell our kids? That it's ok for people to take photos of you without your clothes on? That you might even get payed for it? Our celebrities jump from relationship to relationship with marriages barely ever lasting. While their lifestyle looks glamorous (and believe me, they WANT you to believe that), the reality is that they're not happy. We constantly see stories of celebs who are addicted to drugs or alcohol, who commit suicide, who have their hearts broken over and over again, who have kids and go through painful divorces, who have the person they loved and trusted cheat on them.
Who are you looking to for relationship advice? Perhaps we should see what the Bible has to say?
2. WE HAVE FREEDOM, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THE THINGS WE CHOOSE TO DO ARE HEALTHY OR BENEFICIAL.
In 1 Corinthians 6:12-13, Paul is talking to a group of Christians who have been greatly influenced by their culture. Like ours today, they valued pleasure above everything else. "I am allowed to do anything." was their mantra. They believed that they were made to live life any way they wanted. Paul tells them that, yes, they had freedom to do anything, but that didn't mean that all of the things they did were wise, healthy or beneficial. Paul reminded them that they are spiritual beings-- and that they needed to live in a way that was spiritually healthy. He was basically telling them that their values weren't working for them-- that their pursuit of pleasure with no limits was hurting them emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and it needed to stop.
3. BEING A CHRISTIAN MEANS GIVING GOD THE RIGHT AND AUTHORITY TO TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE
In 1 Corinthians 6:13, Paul tells these Christians, "You can't say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies". He was telling them that their bodies were made to worship and honour God- that they needed to ask how God wanted them to live. Being a Christian means saying, "God, I'm giving you the authority to tell me what to do and how to live. I'm submitting myself to your wisdom". In Luke 9:23, Jesus said, "If any of you want to be my followers, you must forget about yourself (you must DENY yourself). You must take up your cross each day and follow me". In Mark 14:36, Jesus famously prayed, "Father, I want to do what you want, not what I want". What Jesus asks us to do isn't easy. It means constantly choosing to do what God wants us to do instead of what we might want to do.
Can you see how that's pretty radical? Can you see how that rebels against the values of our culture? Can you see how that would make your friends' jaws hit the floor in disbelief? It's saying, "God, I might want to watch this movie or listen to this album, or view something on the Internet, or take my relationship to the next level, but is it what YOU would want? Will it be polluting me? Will it make you proud of me? Will it draw me closer to you and what you want for my life, or will it pull me away from that?" It's saying, "Jesus, I accept your plan for my life as the best possible thing for me. If it's not what you want, then I don't want it".
If you believe that God is our CREATOR-- that he designed life, love, sex, relationships-- all of it---and that he wants what's best for us, then while it might be hard, isn't it wisest to submit to his authority? To do what he wants instead of what we might want? Doesn't it make sense that our relationships will be the happiest and healthiest when we follow his instructions?
The Christians in Corinth were right. We have the freedom to do whatever we want in life. God has given us this freedom. But that doesn't mean that there isn't a right or wrong way to live. Is it any wonder that our lives and relationships are so emotionally, physically and spiritually unhealthy-- damaged-- when we say that God's instructions for living are old-fashioned, unnecessary and not worth following?
The Bible describes "sin" as choosing to go our own way instead of God's way. The actual word "sin" means "to miss the mark, to miss the target". When we choose to ignore our loving Creator, and launch our lives in another direction, it means we'll find ourselves hurt, far from the God who loves us and far from his best intentions for our lives. The good news is that when we mess up, when we sin, God loves us so much that he offers us forgiveness and a brand new start. The bad news is that we'll still have to live with the consequences of our bad choices- and will have to deal with all of the emotional baggage that might result from them.
There are many voices telling us how we should live our lives. Some of them are wise, but many of them aren't wise at all. Doesn't it make sense that we should look to what God has to say when it comes to love and relationships? Even if his instructions don't always make sense to us at the time, we can trust that He is good and that He really does know and want what's best for us.
DISCUSSION
1. What are some things that influence how you/others think and feel about love/sex/dating/relationships? Where do you/they look for wisdom? Do you think those sources are truly wise? Why or why not?
2. When listening to music (read the lyrics!), watching TV or movies, or reading a magazine this week, write down what those voices are telling you about love/sex/dating/relationships. What do you like about how they portray these things? Does it seem healthy? Does it seem realistic? Why or why not?
3. If you want to, ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life. Give him the permission to call the shots and tell you how to live and what to do. Ask him to forgive you for the times when you've gone your way instead of his way. Thank him for loving and forgiving you!
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