This week, we continued our series, "SQUAD GOALS", by talking about frenemies! Frenemies are people who act like your friend some of the time, but then do things that are pretty un-friendly. For example, if someone only wants to hang out with you when their other friends are around, if they make fun of you or gossip behind your back, if they are jealous of you when something great has happened in your life, if they are controlling or bossy, if they only talk about themselves and don't listen to you, if they tear you down physically, emotionally or spiritually, then you might just have a frenemy.
Real friends cheer for each other! Real friends have each other's backs! Real friends actually want the best for you and care about you! I shared a story about how one of my guilty pleasures is watching MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA. The thing I like about it is that, while all of the people are competing against each other to be the best chef and win a prize, the way they treat each other is so unusual. Instead of saying mean things behind people's backs, hoping that others will mess up, or wishing that something terrible would happen to other contestants, the people on this show, year after year, ACTUALLY CHEER FOR EACH OTHER! It makes me want to move to Australia! They actually celebrate when someone else does better than them! They treat each other like best friends! They actually cry and hug people who leave the competition! A few years ago, one of the contestants was even willing to give up his place in the competition so that he wouldn't have to cook against one of his friends!
In the Bible, the story of Jonathan and David shows an example of an AMAZING friendship. In 1 Samuel 18-21 we learn that Jonathan was the next in line to become the King of Israel, but God chose David to be the next king instead. Instead of competing against each other, Jonathan was a REAL friend to David. He shared things that he had with him, he stood up for him and protected him when his dad (the king at the time) was trying to kill him. He refused to say or do anything that would hurt his friend, even though if David was out of the picture, he would have been guaranteed to be the next king! One time, when Jonathan stood up for David and refused to hurt him, the king became so angry he tried to kill his own son! Jonathan actually risked his life to protect his friend! We should all be friends like Jonathan! We should all want friends like Jonathan!
Some times, though, our friends aren't at all like Jonathan. Sometimes they're frenemies, hurting or betraying us. If you're dealing with a frenemy, here are a few tips:
1. PRAY FOR HELP
Even though David had an awesome friend in Jonathan, he also had a lot of not-so-awesome friends. In fact, he wrote down a TON of prayers that are recorded in the Bible, where he cried out to God for help. In Psalm 33, he told God about people who were attacking him, against him, making fun of him, laughing at him, and hating him, and David asked God to help him. We need to talk to God when we're dealing with frenemies and ask him to help us.
2. SPEAK UP
If you’ve got a “friend” who’s acting more like a frenemy, then you HAVE to tell them. There’s a possibility that they might not even be aware of how they’re treating you or how they’re affecting you- and if you never tell them, they’ll never know! Jesus said in Matthew 18:15, “If your brother or sister sins against you, go to them. Tell them what they did wrong. Keep it between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them back”. It’s really important that you give frenemies the chance to change their ways. Jesus says that if you go to the person in private and have an honest talk, it might just repair the relationship!
3. CHOOSE LOVE
The Bible has a lot to say about how you should treat people who mistreat you…and it’s pretty shocking! Jesus said in Matthew 5:44, “But I tell you, LOVE your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”. And when Jesus says we should pray for people who mistreat us, he’s not saying that we should pray that a piano will fall out of the sky and land on them, but that we should pray that great things would happen to them and that they would change for the better! Jesus is saying that we should treat others with kindness EVEN if they treat us like garbage. That revenge is never an option!
That’s REALLY hard to do…because we naturally want to hate them, and hold a grudge against them, or get revenge and make them feel the way they made us feel…so we need to ask God to help us to forgive those frenemies and not stay all bitter and angry.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that what they did is ok or forgotten. It doesn’t mean that you’re automatically best friends again. But it means that you’re choosing to let go of the anger and hate you have for them.
4. END IT!
Last week we talked about the importance of choosing the right people to hang out with. If you go to a “frenemy” and explain to them how they made you feel, and they keep being a “frenemy”, then that’s probably a good reason for you to stop hanging out with them. That can be hard—because you might like the person 80% of the time, but it’s CRAZY to stay friends with a frenemy. It’s much better to surround yourself with some good Australian chef friends or people like Jonathan who cheer for you, want the very best for you, and really have your back!
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR HOME
1. Ask your teen if they've seen any examples of frenemies. What do frenemies do? Encourage your teen that if they have a frenemy, they need to talk to their "friend" to let them know how they make them feel.
2. Pray with your teen. Pray that they would be a great friend to others. Pray that their "frenemies" would change and become real friends. Ask God to help them to surround themselves with friends who cheer for them and really have their back.
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