Saturday 22 February 2020

CATALYST Youth- February 22, 2020- "MR/MRS WRONG"



This week at CATALYST, we talked about RELATIONSHIP GOALS. While quite a few of our teens haven't even thought about dating and the world of boyfriends and girlfriends yet (and that's perfectly normal- there's no rush), it's always good to talk about this stuff BEFORE you have to deal with it. It's nice to be a bit prepared and informed before making BIG life decisions!

The Bible is full of encouragements for us to make wise choices when it comes to who we hang out with, and ultimately who we might date or eventually marry....and honestly, we should be PICKY about who earns the right to be our close friends or the people we date. You should have HIGH STANDARDS. You're worth it! You shouldn’t settle on someone just because they’re into you.

The Bible also challenges US ALL to be people who are GOOD for others instead of being BAD for others. It's not just about what qualities we should look for in others, but what qualities others should hopefully find in US!

This week we looked at some  RELATIONSHIP DISASTERS in the Bible- some terrible girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, and wives and what we can learn from their stories. These are some lessons in WHAT NOT TO DO!

1. SAMSON

Judges 14:1-3 says, "His (Samson’s) father and mother replied, "Isn't there one among any of our people? Do you have to go to the Philistines to get a wife? They aren't God's people!" But Samson said to his father, "Get her for me. She's the right one for me."

Ok, so let's side aside the "get her for me" line, we'll touch on that further down on this list. Samson was super attracted to a Philistine woman....and what this meant is that she didn't share his faith or his values. In fact, she was from a people who worshiped a lot of idols and false gods. Her people were the enemies of Samson’s people.

Samson's parents tried to talk sense into him. They told him that he should try to find someone who shared his faith...someone who loved God...but he wouldn’t listen to them. Samson would eventually regret his bad dating choices...his fiance actually ran off with the best man at the wedding…and another woman he chased after actually got him killed! Samson kept on pursuing women who didn't share his faith or values...and it constantly made his life worse.

RELATIONSHIP GOAL #1: FIND SOMEONE WHO SHARES YOUR FAITH AND VALUES.

The Bible reminds us quite a few times that this is important for some really common-sense reasons. It's really hard to make a relationship work when you don't share common beliefs. You'll naturally have different ideas about how you should each live your lives and a lot of conflicts and fighting can result. Things even get more complicated when you have kids and can't agree on how to raise them or what values are important to teach them. But even more than that—it's really hard to keep growing in your faith and following Jesus in your life when you don't have the closest people in your life supporting you, encouraging you, and helping you.

I couldn't imagine being married to someone who disagreed with what I believed in or was actually OPPOSED to it. It would make life REALLY tough. Sadly, a lot of people overlook this relationship goal and date/marry someone who doesn't share their faith or values. I'm not saying these kinds of relationships will ALWAYS end in disaster, but being in a relationship (or being married to someone) is hard enough when two people have the same faith and values! When they don't even have THAT in common, it means they're going to experience more challenges in their relationship and family.

2. DELILAH

Delilah was the name of one of the many girlfriends Samson had. But the thing about Delilah is that she cared more about money and possessions than she did about her relationship.

Judges 16:5-6 says, "Samson fell in love with a woman named Deliliah, who lived in the valley of Sorek. The rulers of the Philistines went to her and said, "Entice Samson to tell you what makes him so strong and how he can be overpowered and tied up securely. Then each of us will give you 1, 100 pieces of silver".

Delilah sold out her boyfriend for money.

RELATIONSHIP GOAL #2: FIND SOMEONE WHO VALUES YOU (AND OTHERS) MORE THAN MONEY OR POSSESSIONS. 

If you become involved with someone who LOVES money and stuff, it's going to create a lot of conflict. You'll fight over the way you spend money. You might end up in a lot of debt because that person constantly buys things that they don't really need. The second biggest cause for breakups and divorce today is MONEY. 

If the person you're interested in isn't smart with money, if they over-spend on stuff, if they go on sprees, if they’re obsessed with name brands, or if they feel that they "deserve" things even if they really can't afford them, these are all pretty decent warning signs that it might be MR/MRS WRONG.

3. ABRAHAM

Abraham is known as one of the first people ever to know and follow God. He was someone who God made a promise (a covenant) with, which was that if Abraham and his family loved and followed God, God would be committed to him and his descendants would be blessed. This ultimately came true in his having a huge family (the people of Israel are his descendants) with Jesus himself being a part of his family tree!

But, if there’s one thing the Bible reminds us is that even those great “HEROES OF THE FAITH” were screw-ups. This is good news for you and me…because God still loves us and offers us forgiveness when we really don’t deserve it. He picks us up when we fail.

How did Abraham fail? Here’s what he told his wife in Genesis 12:12-13: “I know what a beautiful woman you are. If the Egyptians see you, and think, ‘She is his wife,’ they will kill me and let you live. Please say that you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that I may remain alive thanks to you.”

More than once, Abraham pretended that his wife was his SISTER, lying about the truth, because he was afraid that people might attack him if they learned she was his wife. And this wasn't just a harmless prank he was pulling on people....she was actually taken to be one of the Pharaoh's wives and Abraham was well paid and taken care of as her "brother". Seriously, one of the most CRINGEY stories in the Bible!

RELATIONSHIP GOAL #3: FIND SOMEONE WHO ISN'T AFRAID TO DO THE RIGHT THING. FIND A PERSON WITH INTEGRITY. 
The word “integrity” means that you’re someone who is honest and does what’s right even if it’s hard or there’s a lot of pressure to do what’s wrong. Abraham was so afraid of what people might think or what they might do to him, that he lied, tricked people and really disrespected his wife!

4. NABAL

Nabal is a guy in the Bible who is introduced as being CRUDE and MEAN. His wife, Abigail, on the other hand was known for being WISE and KIND.

In 1 Samuel 25, David and his men were living in the fields close to where Nabal and Abigail lived. While they were in the fields, David provided protection for Nabal's shepherds and sheep from bandits. After a while, David and his men had run out of food, so they asked Nabal if he would be able to provide them with some food (and this was during a time when Nabal was throwing a huge party and had plenty to spare), but even thought they had helped Nabal out, this guy actually mocked them and refused to help!  When his wife, Abigail, heard about this, she actually gathered up a ton of food and brought it to David and his men, apologizing for how foolish her husband was and for how he had treated them. 

RELATIONSHIP GOAL #4: FIND SOMEONE WHO IS CARING AND COMPASSIONATE TOWARDS OTHERS

If a person is uncaring towards others, it might be a good sign that they are MR/MRS WRONG.

5. JEZEBEL

The Bible tells us the story of a King named Ahab who wanted a vineyard that belonged to a man named Naboth. When Noboth refused to sell it to him, the king went home had a temper tantrum because he couldn't get what he wanted. When his wife, Jezebel, heard what happened, she decided to take care of the problem.

1 Kings 21:9-10 tells us about Jezebel’s plan—“Call the citizens together for a time of fasting, and give Naboth a place of honor. And then seat two scoundrels across from him who will accuse him of cursing God and the king. Then take him out and stone him to death.”
Basically, Jezebel was willing to lie, gossip, and spread rumours about Naboth to turn people against him…and Naboth was ultimately killed for doing something that he didn’t do, all so Jezebel could get the Vineyard for her husband.

RELATIONSHIP GOAL #5: FIND SOMEONE WHO HEALS OTHERS WITH THEIR WORDS INSTEAD OF HURTING OTHERS

When you’re considering someone for a relationship or even as a close friend, pay close attention to what they say. Do they gossip? Do they lie? Do they spread rumours? Do they take joy in hurting others? What do they post about on social media? Do they post nasty stuff online about others? These are all warning signs that this person is MR/MRS WRONG.

6. KING XERXES

King Xerxes rivals Samson for his creepiness. In Esther 1 it tells us that he threw a huge party at the palace and got pretty drunk. He then told his wife that he wanted her to be at the party to show off her beauty for the guest’s entertainment!

Esther 1: 11-12- “He wanted the nobles and all the other men to gaze on her beauty, for she was a very beautiful woman. But when they conveyed the king’s order to Queen Vashti, she refused to come. This made the king furious, and he burned with anger”.

I really love how Queen Vashti stood up for herself! This was thousands of years before the “Me To” movement! She was pretty offended that her husband would treat her like an object instead of with respect…and the Bible says that when she refused to do what he told her to do, Xerxes actually divorced her and threw her out of the palace!

RELATIONSHIP GOAL #6: FIND SOMEONE WHO TREATS YOU WITH VALUE AND RESPECT INSTEAD OF LIKE AN OBJECT

There are SO MANY guys like Xerxes out there (and I’m sure some girls too)…and I find it’s especially noticeable in a lot of pop music or hip hop culture where there tends to be a lot of misogyny in the lyrics. Misogyny means mistreatment or disrespect towards women. If you ever watch some of these music videos, they often objectify women and have them wearing a minimal amount of clothing while dancing provocatively.

If someone doesn’t treat you or others with respect, if they care more about what you look like than who you are as a person, if they ask you to do things that you know are wrong or that make you feel uncomfortable, that’s a huge warning bell that they’re MR or MRS WRONG. Stay away from these kinds of people!

DISCUSSION FOR HOME
Take the opportunity to chat with your teen sometime this week about what they learned while they were at CATALYST. You can use some of the questions below to help have a discussion.

1. What were some of the relationship goals they remember from Pastor Ben's talk? Are there any that stood out to them as being especially important? Can they think of any other things that are important to look for before beginning a relationship with someone?

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